Q for Quitting
8:03:00 PM
The divorce
rates in our country are on the increase. The numbers are alarming. People are
leaving their marriages because they feel they can no longer cope with their
partners.
While this
remains a sensitive topic in relationships, it still is something which needs
to be addressed. Among all the A-Z that I've written on relationships thus far,
this one we should look to only and only if nothing else works out.
First of all let
me start with the key to not quitting- perseverance. People do change. Before
we quit, we must ask the question, have we really given everything into this
relationship?
Perseverance is
the key to not quitting in a relationship. It often challenges us to change our
perspective and gives us a fresh and a bigger picture.
One of the key
things we’ve to understand is that strong relationships are formed over time
and not in a day. The sculptor who carved Mount Rushmore was once asked if he did a
perfect job of sculpting the faces of the four presidents.
"No," he replied. "The nose of George Washington is about
an inch too long, but its okay. In a thousand years, erosion will make it
just right." Giving time to relationship building is important and that
is why every one of the qualities we've seen in this challenge must be applied
every day. We must believe that the more
we invest into the qualities the more we will see the results over time.
Q- Quitting
So when does one quit in a
relationship?
Marriage expert Dr. David Hawkins
responds to a wife in regard to her husband, “Too many people tolerate too much
abuse in marriage, believing it somehow virtuous to be longsuffering. You
provide a perfect example of the final outcome of tolerating irresponsibility—a
fractured marriage. Please treat yourself in a healthy manner, and in doing so
you’ll provide the greatest possibility for your husband becoming healthier as
well.”
When the outcome
of the relationship we are in damages us and those around us physically, emotionally
and mentally then we should seriously consider quitting.
Take
Away Principle: The key to not quitting a relationship is
perseverance. However even after repeated attempts and over time when the
outcome is still damaging physically, mentally and emotionally then one ought
to consider quitting.
Tips
on quitting:
1.
Every relationship has disagreements. Do
try and talk it out with the person.
2.
Before deciding to quit, take time to
evaluate.
3.
Confide in someone else you trust.
Sometimes an outside perspective can bring new light in the way we look at and
approach things.
4.
Consider if you’ve made mistakes and try
to correct them.
5.
Get into counselling.
6.
When you do quit:
a. Leave
well-don’t burn bridges.
b. Take
time to heal.
c. Learn
from your mistakes.
9 comments
My first marriage ended in a divorce. I'm not one to easily give up, so I fought long and hard for my relationship to work. Unfortunately, I was the only one fighting. My husband didn't want to change, or couldn't change. I finally realized that the relationship was quite toxic and I had to let go.
ReplyDeleteAnother great post, and I am so glad that you mentioned it is okay to quit. I think people do more harm, than good, when they stay in a relationship that is toxic.
As I get older, I more inclined to say if you are with a partner who doesn't respect you for who you are, then you need to move on. However, I'm also the opinion that these days people give up too easily. Good one, Danny.
ReplyDeleteAlways a difficult choice for people caught up in such a situation - how long to persevere and when to call it quits. It really depends on each individual case, I suppose. A thoughtful post on a sensitive topic.
ReplyDeleteQuite insightful, as usual, Danny. Perseverence is important, but at one point it becomes just too hard when you are the only one taking the efforts. And then quitting becomes a hobson's choice; just the 'yes' or 'no' remains. And most often, it is a yes. No one would want to be in a toxic relationship. And as you said, external perspective may change many things for us !
ReplyDeleteVery motivational.. especially when I am lagging behind in blog hopping!
ReplyDelete~S(t)ri
Participant|AtoZ Challenge 2014
Smile, it makes (y)our day!
I, too, have mixed feelings here. First marriage was abusive and I stayed as long as I could. Second marriage has been 42 years. Since writing my memoir, there have been many comments where people do not understand how I ever survived. It was because I learned not to quit or give up easily.
ReplyDeleteCarol @ Battered Hope
You write about the fine balance and manage to preserve both sides... yes, we should fight for what is worth fighting for , and yet sometimes it is ok to quit - but then do it in a nice way... Loved your post today also, Danny:-)
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking post. These days young couples have become very intolerant, hence the number of divorce cases are rising. No two persons are alike. They have their compulsions, and don't want to adjust. I and my husband have spent 54 years of married life. Though there are occasional discords, we make up.We are leading a happy married life.
ReplyDeleteSometimes quitting is the right decision. Being unhappy makes no one happy and you are of no use to anyone, not to yourself or the others around you. I separated 6 years ago after 27 years of marriage . It wasn't an easy decision - it never is - and it took 17 years to make it. In the end it needed to happen for my mental well being.
ReplyDelete