J for Joy

4:17:00 PM

Statistics reports that one in five people have some kind of depression that they battle with. The main contributing factor for depression comes from the loss of a partner, whether from death, divorce or separation. In other words, their relationships inevitably brought in depression.

Too many relationships are breaking up simply because they find that their partners don't keep them happy. People are not perfect and hence they keep making mistakes which in turn leads to disappointment. This can cause separation and end up in depression.


There is a huge difference between happiness and joy. Happiness comes from the root word, “happen”. So happiness is based on what’s happening (circumstances) hence it is temporary. Joy is not based on circumstances, making it permanent. Happiness is external while joy is internal. Happiness is based on chance while joy is based on choice.

Every relationship needs joy…not happiness.

I remember listening to a marriage seminar where both the husband and wife were talking. Towards the end of the seminar, someone in the audience asked the wife a question, “Does he make you happy?” All eyes in the room were fixed on her including her husband’s. She paused for a while and responded, “No, he doesn’t.” There was complete silence in the room as all of them including the bewildered husband waited to hear her explanation. “I discovered in the early years of our marriage that he couldn't make me happy. I would get disappointed every time that I thought he would. That is when I realized that, the only person that can make me happy is me. I am responsible for my happiness and not him.”

We find joy by being comfortable with ourselves. Joy is often discovered in the peaceful quietness of our own soul. Joy withstands the darkest and the lowliest times in our lives. It’s joy that endures.

Take Away Principle: 

Every relationship needs joy…not happiness. Joy in a relationship doesn't come from the other person. It comes when we learn to be comfortable with ourselves.

Tips on being Joyous:
1. Stop waiting for others to make you happy. People are not perfect and will always disappoint you.
2. Accept yourself for who you are. Understand your own strengths and weaknesses.
3. Determine your life’s purpose. Pursuing what matters to you will bring a sense of joy and direction to your life.

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  1. I had never looked at Happiness and Joy like this before. This post has given a lot to chew and ponder on. Loved this post Danny! Thanks for sharing :)

  2. This is the first time I came across something that differentiates between happiness and joy . It's completely true to say that we are responsible for our own happiness . Coz in life we do encounter circumstances when we feel it's only us who can help our self .
    Your write ups with every letter are becoming a " talisman " for me ....thank you :)

  3. Such an interesting perspective of happiness and joy...This was a great read...

    Latest A2Z Challenge Post-Random Thoughts Naba

  4. I honestly find it hard to distinguish between joy and happiness, Danny and I like your explanation. I think mostly we use them interchangeably without realizing.

  5. Very good post. I like how you explain the difference between happiness and joy. Simple and so perfectly clear! Thank you :)

    Beauty Interprets, Expresses, Manifests the Eternal

  6. That distinction between joy and happiness is beautiful, Danny. I have never thought of it that way. I like how you say that joy comes from within.Indeed, it does.

    ~Shailaja's latest A~Z post

  7. Last points are lovely. Each one a perfect way to be happy and joyous :-)


  8. This is brilliant, Danny. Indeed, depending on others for happiness (or joy) is a mistake we all make. I believe both happiness and joy come from within us; where happiness is based on "happenings", it's still up to us to appreciate them, to give them value, to allow them to make us happy. I love what you say about joy being a choice. Yes. YES.

    Thanks for stopping over at Life In Dogs and for the lovely comment :) Happy A-to-Z-ing!

  9. YOU, Danny, are the man! I loved this. I just spoke about joy and happiness in a comment on Corrine's blog. I think happiness is fleeting and requires a dependency on a person or event to bring about the feeling. Joy, on the other hand is an inner trust that you are ok, and that everything else will be ok. For me, that's faith. It could be self-confidence for others and even a zen outlook for others. The point is, joy is something that is innate and something we, ourselves have to tap into.

  10. Yes, each one are responsible for own happiness. My mantra exactly. A very nice read Danny- with some good tips there:-)

  11. Your post touched a tender spot for me and I hope it is okay to share it here. A friend of over 20 years said something to me the other day that shook me into reality about this subject. I have had a difficult life and at one point tried to end it all ........BUT this is what she said to me and for the first time (and your post being the second time) I realized what a big difference there is between joy and happiness. It isn't easy to be happy when you are so very sad but I use humor to get through those times and to hold my relationships together. This is what she said "In all the years I have known you and the endless trauma you have gone through, you have never lost your joy -- it is always there, it is always evident" What that says is this -- many, many days I am sad and I cry or get depressed. BUT the joy that is inside is there and it not only carries us through the rough times, keeps us strong but also is a help to others who are going through rough times too.

    Carol @ Battered Hope

  12. Loved it!! Simply loved it!! Thanks for writing this.

  13. Wow, Danny !
    I guess that's why we say, we ' enjoyed' something rather than ' enhappied' something, meaning thereby that we discovered the happiness associated with anything from within our being !!
    Take a bow, doc :)

  14. I enjoyed reading this meaningful and explanatory post. If we are joyous ,we can be happy . Wow Great idea!!

  15. Great posts for the A to Z challenge. I agree with what you are saying about joy versus happiness. What a great answer that marriage seminar leader gave in the workshop you mentioned attending. Thanks for sharing your wise insights. Enjoy the challenge. Maria from Delight Directed Living


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