A Marital Affair

7:59:00 AM

"You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you." -Richard Needham

Valentine’s Day just went on by last month and I thought I’d scribble about an ongoing love story for this post. This story is not made up, the characters are real and personally, I do not know if it resembles anyone else’ real life story. This is my story; the story of me and my wife Anu, this is our story.

2012 was an important year for both me and Anu as we completed five years into our marriage. Five years really seems like a short time. We both still remember the day we got married. We were madly in love then and we are still madly in love with each other.

Statistics show that the rates of divorce are much higher today than what it used to be 10-20 years ago. And that is quite an alarming thing considering that more and more people are being pulled into the vacuum of being single. Divorces are painful and leave behind many scars which perhaps only time will heal.

Well, I was reflecting on the past five years of marriage, and trying to put down on paper as to why even after five years, we are still madly in love with each other as the first time that we met. So this is more of a personal post and I do hope it adds value to you.
There are many things that we share with each other but the ones mentioned below, I believe stand out.

1. We are still close friends.

Michel de Montaigne observes, "If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”

Ours was an arranged marriage. I know that many don’t agree on the concept these days but I must say it was fun. We were engaged and there was a short period of time before our marriage dates. One thing during that period of time we did was to make sure we became good friends.
So we would call up each other, text message during the day; virtually keeping in contact every day. I don’t remember the phone bills those few months but it did come up pretty high!

We didn't stop that even after marriage. And after marriage it was easier since we also met every day. And even now, almost every afternoon, during lunch break, we call each other.

Someone put it this way, 'A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.'

I believe one of the things that make us good friends is because we are still open to correction from each other. Of course no one likes to be corrected and neither do we. But why we are open to correction from each other is because we add two special ingredients while giving it: We often mix it with love and a touch of humor. That’s why most of our fights end with a laugh.
Let's put it this way, the world laughs at some of the most stupid things we do so why shouldn't we laugh at ourselves?

I must admit listening to correction about the mistakes that we have done is one of the most difficult things to do. Many at times, our ego's can't stand it. But in our case, listening to each other with love and the humor, it makes it easier to listen.

Over the years we have grown to be two very good friends and so we often confide in each other: our mistakes, our weaknesses, our fears etc.

Franz Schubert says, “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.”

2. We are still forgiving each other.

Ruth Bell Graham said, "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." 

Like I mentioned earlier, we are really good friends with each other. The advantage of being close friends is that we can be open to each other while the disadvantage is that we can tend to hurt each other.

We love each other but that doesn't mean that we haven't hurt each other in the process. We have. But we have also learnt to forgive each other of our wrongs. 

Forgiveness helps us to see each others perspective and hence stop the argument. But with forgiveness has to come reconciliation. That is when the process is complete.
Every time we fight, she is often the first person to come and reconcile. I must admit, this has not been easy for me. But one day, I was reflecting on this and thought to myself as to why I have this difficulty. Well, needless to say, it definitely is my ego. And I began to think, “What would happen if I were to lose this fight?” “Of course then she would win...so what?” Then I realized that she is after all a part of me, who cares who wins or loses. Today, I am not saying that I am always first to reconcile but I have been making quite a few attempts!

Zig Ziglar observes, “Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”

Since we are close friends, it has been all the more easier to forgive the hurts and the wrongs. Because at the end of the day, we realize that we still do love each other. So we are willing to put our ego's out of the way and look beyond the hurts and the mistakes that we do.

Being close friends and constantly forgiving each other has definitely helped us to keep our relationship warm and loving. We love each other and because of this we still want to go all out and surprise each other by the things that we do. And our prayer is that this love affair will only grow stronger as time goes by.

Five years experience has taught me what gets her excited! I had written a post on how I had messed up on one of Anu’s birthdays; you can read about that here!
So for our fifth wedding anniversary, this is what I got her and she loved it!

As we continue to work on our marriages, I want to bring up this statement that I had read recently:
"Being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect."

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  1. Replies
    1. congrats man :)


    2. Thanks buddy! Almost missed it!

  2. super danny. very nce post. wil try 2 apply in our marriage life.

    1. Thanks Wilita! It takes a lot of patience and work to keep our marriages alive but its worth the effort!

  3. True,it involves a lot of effort and compromise from both sides, and that makes it work in the long run. really nice write up :)

    1. Thanks Shalini! Yeah that's true, every marriage that has to be successful needs to be tended to.

  4. Congratulations, sorry I'm a month late. Being friends help in a marriage. I think this is the only proven recipe for successful marriage. And a beautiful gift for her. :)

    1. Thanks a lot Saru!
      Always great to see u here!
      That's true! Marriage always has to start with friendship!

  5. That's a great prescription for a long-lasting marriage! I must tell you, you seem to have a great taste in jewellery and that's certainly good for your wife! Wish you both many more years of conjugal bliss!

    1. HEy thanks a lot Malini!
      Actually, I took her along to select! She's the one who picked this out from the ones that were there! You ladies make the best selection! :)

  6. Congratulations on your Anniversary Danny. Love the quotes in this post. You are so right. Marriage is about forgiveness, respect, acceptance and much much more.

    1. HEy Alka! Welcome!
      Thanks a lot! Yes, marriage is a lovely journey! And I am still learning!

  7. Lovely post.. Wish you a very happy married life.. I heard somewhere that couples who post more about each other on fb or any social media for that matter stay really happy.. You both make a lovely couple.. Stay blessed..!! The fact that you both are freinds first and the fact that you care for each other reflects in your writing.. She is indeed lucky to have you Danny.. Keep writing..!

    1. Thanks PRiya!
      Yup, we are lucky to have each other I would say.... And now we are expecting a new member into our family!


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