(From Plug In 06/08/2017)
Good evening everyone! I hope all of you
are having a great time! It’s so good to come back again this month and see all
of you!
Happy Friendship day!
I was looking online for the history or
the origin for this day but there’s no specific origin as such. Some say that
Hallmark cards put up a day like that initially and there were many who
criticized it because they thought the company was doing it just to promote
their cards.
‘Friends’; how many of us can say that
we have friends?
I remember this one friend of mine, he
was so panicky! We all have those kinds right? They are worried about
everything and anything! It was in midst of our exams and we had just finished
one and getting ready to write the next one. SO we are all sitting in the
canteen and going through the final things to revise (in my case, learning for
the first time too!) and then all of a sudden he starts about or not if he
would pass yesterday’s exam. I told him, “ Yeah you will don’t worry about it.”
“Yes, but still, I don’t know if I will pass.” Was his reply and I kept
reminding him and trying to encourage him that he would pass. He was so worried
that he wouldn’t stop. Finally he asked me again after a few minutes (I think
for the tenth time or something) “Do you really think I will pass?” I look at
him, pause for a while and then with all seriousness told him, “No, man I think
you won’t make it. You are going to fail.” I mean what else could I do, I was
so irritated and he wasn’t letting me study. He kept quiet after that! Long
story short: he failed that paper!
Friends! We can love them and hate them
at the same time!
I have seen that there are different
categories of friends. I have them in my life and then I am sure all of us have
friends in these different categories and you’ll understand them as I go
through them:
1:
Surface Friendships:
It’s just on a surface level friendship.
I think you all know what I mean. There’s nothing more than just hi or a bye.
You know these people but they are just your hi and bye friends. You meet them
in your college; you meet them here if you’ve been coming here regularly. You
know some of their names, you know what they are studying for, and you might
even know where they live. But they remain at the surface and go no more than a
simple hi or a bye. “Hi, how are you doing?” “Great to see you, we should meet
up sometime.” What really messes these people up is when you ask them when? And
then they’d be like, “What when? No, bye.” Indirectly they are telling you;
let’s just keep it this way. We like it like this. In other words they don’t
really mean it when they say we should catch up sometime. I am sure as I’m
speaking some faces are coming into your minds right now.
2:
Structured Friendships:
These are friendships that we encounter
continually. WE meet them at college every day. We meet them at work every day.
We get together simply because there’s a reason that we are there in the same
place at the same time. We are not together because of each other but because
of the function that we are there. It’s structured. We do things together but
nothing more than that.
3:
Solid and Secure Friendships:
This is taking friendships to a whole
new level. IT’s not surface level and neither is it structured. It’s built on
commitment and based on unconditional love. It’s not on a convenience level but
it’s based on deep commitment to each other that no matter what we will get it
going. These are the kind of friends that will stick it out for you. They are
close to you. They know you inside out and even though they know your good
things, they also know your bad side and still want to stick with you.
This is the type of friendships that I
want to focus on today. We call them close friends sometimes. These are the
types of friends that we constantly want to be with. Sometimes we get so close
that we call them ‘best friends’.
Now, let me ask all of us this question,
how many of us can say that we have a best friend?
You see, I find it surprising because my
generation did not go by without having a best friend. You ask anyone of the
older generation; it is very rarely that someone would say that they did not
have a best friend. There was a survey that was taken to find out among people to see how many of them had a best friend and the survey results that
were posted said that 1 out of every 5 people did not have a best friend.
The
survey also went on to state that ever since the advent of social media like
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc people prefer to remain lonely and glued to
their social media than ever before. What’s interesting though what I’ve found
is that people want to have more friends on these social websites!
There are
people who are ready to be friends on Facebook or Instagram so that they can
get more likes for their posts! I think I would like to categorize them as the
Social Media Friendships. Think about this: every time you post a picture on Facebook
or Instagram, do you login back just a few seconds later to find out how many
likes you got on it? Every time you post a status update on Whatsapp, don’t you
look to see how many people have viewed it? The more the better you feel don’t
you? It’s ironical because you want
friends at the same time you don’t want friends that are close to you!
The truth is that every one of us has friends
who fall into any one of those categories that I just mentioned; it’s just that
we haven’t allowed many of them to get close to us. I’ve known so many people
today who don’t get close to people and neither do they allow people to get
close to them because of one word: Trust.
Too many people have broken trust today
with people because of what they said or what they did that caused hurt and
pain in the process. SO they are close to no one today so that people can’t
hurt them anymore.
Here’s what I’ve found about not getting
close to people. The good news is that they can’t hurt you; the bad news is
that they can’t help you either. Living life, rarely does a day go by without
needing to take help from other people.
How can being close to someone be
helpful? They say that the wealthiest man that ever lived in this world was King
Solomon. They say that not only was he the wealthiest but also the wisest man
who ever lived. He wrote a book called Proverbs and there are 4 things he
mentions about close friendships about why they are important and how helpful
close friends can be:
1:
Few friends are true friends
Proverbs
18:24, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like
family.”
What does that mean? These close friends
are the ones who will stick with you. When we go through a crisis, they are the
ones who are always going to be there with you. Someone once said that your
real friends are the ones who will be with you when you are going through
difficult times in your life.
2:
Friends will speak the truth to you
Proverbs
27:6, “The wounds from a friend are worth it; kisses from an enemy do you in.”
Honestly, we don’t like it do we? We
don’t like our friends who come and tell us the truth. But we all know that
even if we don’t like it, that is what will keep us guarded and on the right
track. Let me tell you this: my best friend is my wife Anu. Man, can she speak
the truth! Every time I do a talk, there might be many others who come up and
say that it was great and all that but when I come home, I get it straight from
my wife who tells me exactly what was good and what was not. Why do I need to
hear that? Because that’s what helps me to get better!
3:
Friends refresh us
Proverbs
27:9, “….a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.”
Isn’t that true? When we are worn out
and tired and discouraged, who else but close friends who can refresh us during
those times?
Let me ask this question now. How many
of us want to have a best friend? How many of us would like friends like this:
a friend that refreshes us, speaks the truth to us? We all want them don’t we?
But here’s the thing. It’s not about how
much we want in a person as much as who we are as a person. In other words, the
people around us will only be as good as close as we really are.
Many young people come to me all the
time asking questions about marriage and all. They come and tell me that they
have these lists and about how they are praying for the right partner. I smile
right through all of it and at the end of it all I ask a simple question. You
have quite a good list there, but let me ask you this question: Do you have all
those qualities that you have mentioned in your list? Or if the guy or girl you
are praying for, if they have a list, do you think you would fit or match up to
all the qualities on their list? Often times, they stare at me surprised. It
would seem like they just went to another planet when they heard that!
So when we say that we want a best
friend, here’s my take: Do you have it in you to be a best friend to someone?
How do you become a good friend?
1:
Being the right person
It doesn’t start with the other people.
It starts with me. I am not going to wait for the other person to change; I am
going to see that I will. There was a marriage conference once where a renowned
speaker was talking to the couples with his wife. Towards the end of the
marriage conference, they opened up for Q&A and one of the ladies in the
conference asked the wife of the speaker, “Does he (that is her husband
pointing to the speaker) make you happy?” There was utter silence till the wife
replied, “No, he does not.” There was utter surprise all over the hall. Even
the speaker was looking totally surprised at his wife’s reply. Then she said,
“I realized that in the first six months of my marriage that he would never
make me happy. He was always doing this or that and I would get upset. It came
to a point till I realized that he could never make me happy. It’s not that he
wouldn’t but it’s just that he couldn’t. The only person who could make me
happy was myself. The moment I realized that then my husband has added
immeasurably to my happiness.” The speaker was so relieved!
What was the wife saying? You’ve to be
the right person. In other words, you’ve to take the initiative to be the right
one. It doesn’t start with fixing the other person; you’ve to start with
yourself. Too often we wait for others to come around us and start, what would
happen if we would make that start? What if I could add to someone else’s life,
what if I could make someone’s life a little better?
2:
Committing Time and Energy:
IT’s going to take time and we are going
to have to set aside that time.
This coming December, me and Anu will be
celebrating our tenth marriage anniversary. I heard this before getting married
and I decided I would do what I knew to commit to that. Someone said that
marriages are like a garden, if it should continue to have fresh flowers, then
we must continue to tend it and water it.
Every year, I make it a point, to
surprise her either on her birthday or on our anniversary. I have done some
crazy stuff and some simple things but make sure do it to make it memorable. She
says I never surprise her but I think I do.
Being close friends does not come in a
day. It takes us to sacrifice our time and requires us to put energy or effort
into making sure it blooms up over time.
3:
It requires us to trust them:
I know this is probably the most
difficult but this is what it takes to build a strong foundation. Someone said
that trust is the foundation of all friendships. Trust is the glue that holds
two people together.
If you’ve ever had friends at all, then
you know what I am about to say is true. It doesn’t take long for someone to
break their trust with us. A very long time ago, I had gone into a complete
shell. I didn’t trust anyone. Every person I had trusted had broken it. So I
didn’t want to go into that process of getting hurt again.
I read this statement off a book and I made
it my life definition of trust. To me trusting people means allowing them to
fail you. Trusting people means allowing
them to fail you.
No one is perfect and when we realize
that and we are still willing to take that initiative knowing that they might as
well fail us one day gives us a better chance to trust them. They will fail us
anyway, so I might as well trust them rather than risk living my life all
alone.
I later realized that there was someone
who did this first. He did it before me and therefore I can do it too. His name
is Jesus.
Jesus took an initiative to connect and
get close to us. This is what He said
John
15:13-15, “13 There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's
friends. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn't confide in
his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father
told me.”
No matter how many times we’ve failed,
He’s still willing to trust us. He’s still willing to give us great things even
though he knows that we are weak and that we can easily fail Him.
2
Corinthians 4:7, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we
ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.”
We are fragile clay jars that can break
easily. Yet He was willing to pour out Himself, His treasure into weak jars
like us that can break.
Think about this: If we have lakhs or
crores of money, wouldn’t we want to keep it in a place where it’s safe, a
place that won’t break?
That’s how we look at people isn’t it?
When we share our deepest secrets with them, we expect them not to break. But
Jesus was ready to trust us because He trusted God His Father.
One thing I’ve learnt over the years is
that it becomes easier to trust people knowing that we can trust in Jesus
because even if people fail me, which will surely happen, I can trust Him who
can never fail me. It doesn’t mean that I stop trusting people, because as much
as I need Jesus, I need them as well.
Today as I close, Jesus is calling us His
friends. Would we be willing to call Him our friend as well? When we can call
Him friend and place our trust in Him, it becomes easier for us to trust the
people He has placed around us.
