The Men we are

7:26:00 PM

2012 had an almost perfect ending till the news of the Delhi rape incident shook the entire nation. For the parents and close kin of the girl, it will be something they will never forget for the rest of their lives.

The news was all over, in every regional channel, the English Channels, news papers, even on normal talk shows, and for a while it seemed like it was the only thing to talk about. Even social media was buzzing with remarks from all over; Facebook, Twitter and even many bloggers wrote about the cruelty of that incident.

Many addressed issues as how to prevent this kind of a crime from happening again. A large ratio were for cruel punishment so that fear would creep in to the hearts of the rapists. Again some were for self defense. The government even set up an emergency number for the women to call in any case.

The heights were the discussions on one of the talk shows. They were talking about actually having a red light area in every district. So that men could go there for their needs and as a result reduce the number of rapes. (Can you imagine that?!)

People had spoken out and written on what the women ought to do. And in perspective, while what all of them said stands true; I believe in order to see a true change it also has to do with the hearts of men. While this still remains a sensitive issue, I want to write this post to all the men, myself included!

Some people said that the fear of severe punishment may stop rapists from committing the crime again. That may be true; but what are we doing to prevent new rapists from being born? Will the fear of punishment stop that? I doubt it. Even while we were kids, no matter what the punishment may have looked like, we were quite smart in creating loopholes to get around to doing stuff!

People keep talking about having a safe place in India for women to walk. Some mentioned for women to be well dressed rather, appropriately. While I do believe this holds true to a certain extent, I don't believe this could be a final answer to ending rape.

The Union Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad said it well when he said, "We think dresses provoke rapists because our mindset hasn't been liberated. If dresses are the only reason for rape, then why are minors raped?" From the words of the minister, a good question to ask would be, “What is the reason for rape?”

While administering treatment to their patients, something that the doctors are trained to do is to treat the root cause of a disease rather than treat the symptoms. Treating the symptoms may cause temporary relief, but if the root cause is not treated, chances are that the symptoms will appear again.

Rape is just the fruit of what is being sown into the soil. It needs to be pulled out at the roots so that it doesn't surface again.

Famous author and poet Rabindranath Tagore said, “Most people believe the mind to be a mirror, more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them, not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation.

Our mind is the principal element of creation. That is where it all begins. What we put in our minds as seeds of thought is from where it all grows. What is being fed into the minds is what ultimately comes out.

Author, Speaker and Pastor T.D. Jakes puts it this way, “Your mind becomes what it is. If you read anything all the time, you become that. You become a doctor not by an injection, they just fed your mind and your mind transforms into what you read. Your mind becomes what it reads. Whatever you are feeding your mind, that’s what you become.

So what are being put into the minds of our men today?
Let's take the media for instance. Today our Indian cinema and TV shows have taken up to more skin show by the women just to boost their TRPs (Television Rating Points). Every Bollywood movie has to have an item number and TV shows are catching up too. Recently an episode of a TV show serial had gone viral on YouTube because of its content.

While the women who go bold onscreen are being applauded, we fail to think of its impact on the women walking out on the street.

Is it safe for the women to walk out on the street without being mentally undressed by the menfolk?  After viewing stuff on screen, it seems highly improbable. We can only expect it to follow suit in the minds of men.

Over time pornography comes into the scene. If we were to take a poll among men today, who are in their thirties, I am sure we would get a hundred percent result on those who would have watched at least one porn clipping. To say the least, survey says that in 2011, seven Indian cities were among the top 10 in the world, running porn searches on Google.

Many today would say that porn is addictive. And just like any addictive substance, when what the women do onscreen doesn't give the person a 'kick', they come down to the women that are there around them.

Ted Bundy was the first person to ever get termed as a ‘serial killer’. He had confessed to raping and murdering over 30 women and was given the electric chair execution on January 24th, 1989. The day before he died, he gave an interview to Dr. James Dobson. Do take a look at the video.

It’s time we men took responsibility for what we have been feeding our minds with. Pornography is dangerous and it leaves behind an ugly imprint on one’s mind which can be dangerous. No one fathomed the danger of being bold onscreen would lead to being bold in real life. It could be our mothers, our wives, our sisters, our daughters that are out there.

We men can make a difference in the society regarding this issue. We ought to be cautious on what we feed our minds with today and stop looking at things we shouldn't be looking at.  We want to be men of integrity, respecting and  letting our women know, India a safe place for them and that superheroes are not just fictional!

This post is a part of #Soldierforwomen in association with

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  1. loved this... brilliantly written ! Also 'wow' on the Bundy interview.. had never seen that before.

  2. Thanks buddy! Been on my mind since a long time to write this! Finally got to write it!
    Yeah, you must go through the whole interview about an hour... it's there on YouTube!

  3. Well written and bang on target, Danny! A brave thing to do. Treat the root of disease and not the symptoms.

    1. Thanks Punam! The only way to cure any disease!

  4. I read the post as soon as you posted on my phone but couldn't comment. Now I got the chance to read it, reflect on it and also watch that interview. I have read so any conflicting studies on Porno including that for some it is a catharsis and keeps them away from trouble and that rape is not for sex, but for gaining power over...I haven't yet taken a position about it. But your post makes a strong argument and I am reflecting deep as I re-read.
    I loved how you as a man took onus. Your post was not about women or their choices at all. It was about choices men make. And it is so heart warming to read it! Thank you!

    1. Thank you, Bhavana!
      This is something that not many people will think about, because people are only looking at the symptoms at the top. But every disease has a cause and if the cause is not identified and treated with, chances are that it will rise again.
      Have had quite some mixed reviews (not here!) about this post. I still believe this argument holds true unless proved otherwise...


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