L3: Father

Trusting People, Trusting God.

8:09:00 AM

People trust in many different things, sometimes without even thinking about it. We trust that the chair will hold us up when we sit down on it. We trust that water will come out of the faucet when we need a drink of water. We trust that the sun will rise in the morning and the list goes on and on.

Many of you even trust your lives to things that have the possibility to fail. For example, how many of you have ever driven over a bridge, flown in an airplane or been operated on by a doctor? Some of you may even risk your lives and trust in certain material things just to have fun! Pull out the rope and continue, many people go mountain climbing, trusting their lives, in ropes like this. Other people jump out of perfectly good airplanes and trust their lives to a parachute. I think you get the idea.

It’s easy to talk about trusting things, but I guess the most difficult part is to talk about trusting people. How many of us here find it difficult to trust other people?

There’s this quote I saw recently that said:

Two reasons why we won’t trust people:

· We don’t know them

· We know them

I don’t agree with both of them.

The first one: you go to a doctor, you trust the doctor, you trust the prescription even though you might be seeing the doctor for the first time. Then you take the prescription to a pharmacy, you don’t know the people who are giving you the medicines but you trust them that they are giving you the right medicines anyway!

The second one: That’s pride and judgment right there. You think you know them enough not to give them a chance or you’ve given them a chance but they’ve messed it up. Now this is a little tricky and if you are not careful, you can end up losing great relationships over time. Why? Because people change and just because they’ve messed up once or even more than once doesn’t mean that they can’t do it right ever.

But here’s the problem with both the statements: both the statements are focused on the other person. When we say we find it difficult to trust someone, we tend to think that it’s because of that person. In other words, what we are really doing is that we are ‘passing the buck’ rather the responsibility. We are saying that my reason to trust you is based on your actions.

At the core, when you think about it, trusting others becomes difficult not because of them, it’s because of us. We don't trust people not because they have a problem, it's because we have one.

We can choose not to trust people but the truth is that life is a maze rather a journey that requires us to trust people whether we like it or not. We can get lost in the maze and not have a breakthrough if we refuse to trust people. If we decide not to trust them then the good news is that they can't hurt us but the bad news is that they can't help us!

Basic trust does not mean the ability to believe or trust one another. It is the capacity to hold your heart open to others. Basic trust is having an open heart. It is when you risk being vulnerable, even when it hurts you to stay open and not close your spirit. Basic trust is when you are able to move beyond the weaknesses in others, receive God’s healing touch one moment at a time, and not run away.

So how do you keep an open heart that is vulnerable to getting hurt? It’s only possible when we put our trust in God and don’t depend on our own understanding about what’s happening! Because now it’s not about them anymore, it’s not even about us, it’s about Him. Trusting in God helps us to overlook weaknesses in others and trust them.

When John had to get a haircut, he wouldn’t allow at first because he was always so scared. So he would always want me to get him on my lap. He would sit on my lap and allowed the barber to cut the hair. Now, I get it:he doesn’t know the barber and so why does he have to trust him right? But now he’s not looking at the barber, he’s not looking at the scissors or the machine; he’s looking at me, his father.

See, here’s what’s so important to understand: we need other people in our lives and the only way we can move out rather forward in our lives is when we are willing to trust them. It’s not easy to trust them, true...but it’s easier to trust a God who will never let us down.When our eyes are on Him, we surrender everything to Him and as a result when we trust Him, it becomes easier to trust in other people.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths. That’s a promise! That He will direct our paths so we don’t have to try and trust someone again, we remain confident because He is with us and no matter what happens we know that He has things under control.When I put my trust in God, then it's no longer about the other person, it's no longer about me, it's about Him. So now I can put my trust in people.

Trusting in God is letting go of our control and surrendering to Him. When we are no longer in control and let Him take over then it becomes easier to trust people.

'An excerpt of the talk given at Plug In on 03/06/18'

Faithful

A Faithful Father

4:18:00 PM

This is a story that was recently forwarded to me. I haven’t been able to confirm if this is a true story but the earthquake in Armenia in the year 1988 was a true event that killed over 30,000 people in less than 4 minutes.

“A couple Samuel and Danielle sent their young son, Armand, off to school. Samuel squatted before his son and looked him in the eye, “Have a good day at school, and remember, no matter what, I’ll always be there for you.” They hugged and the boy ran off to school.

Hours later, a powerful earthquake rocked the area. In the midst of the pandemonium, Samuel and Danielle tried to discover what happened to their son but they couldn’t get any information. The radio announced that there were thousands of casualties. Samuel then grabbed his coat and headed for the school. When he reached the area, what he saw brought tears to his eyes. Armand’s school was a pile of debris and other parents were standing around crying.

Samuel found the place where Armand’s classroom used to be and began pulling a broken beam off the pile of rubble. He then grabbed a rock and put it to the side, and then grabbed another one.

One of the parents looking on asked, “What are you doing?” “Digging for my son,” Samuel answered. The man then said, “You’re just going to make things worse! The building is unstable,” and tried to pull Samuel away from his work.

Samuel kept working. As time wore on, one by one, the other parents left. Then a worker tried to pull Samuel away from the rubble. Samuel looked at him and said, “Wont you help me?” The worker left and Samuel kept digging.

All through the night and into the next day, Samuel continued digging. Parents placed flowers and pictures of their children on the ruins. But Samuel just kept working. He picked up a beam and pushed it out of the way when he heard a faint cry, “Help! Help!” Samuel listened but didn’t hear anything again. Then he heard a muffled voice, “Papa?”

Samuel began to dig furiously. Finally he could see his son. “Come on out, son!” he said with relief.

“No,” Armand said. “Let the other kids come out first because I know you’ll get me.” Child after child emerged until finally little Armand appeared. Samuel took him in his arms and Armand said, “I told the other kids not to worry because you told me that you’d always be there for me!”

Fourteen children were saved that day because one father was faithful.”

Being the father of a 3 year old son, this story really got me thinking and I asked myself the question: “If it were my son in that rubble, would I be standing and crying over the fact that all was gone or would I have been a faithful father like Samuel?”

That begets the question: Do we still have faithful fathers in this generation?

Faithfulness is a virtue that seems to be slowing diminishing in our societies today; fathers who are present and involved with their children are on a much faster decline.

Today many couples are caught up with their own issues and have no time for their children. Divorce is on the increase even as we speak. Some are in the process whilst others are contemplating it. I personally believe that if we pay attention to our children then we can be responsible for building healthier societies in the time to come.

“Dr. William Pollock, Harvard psychologist and author of Real Boys concludes that divorce is difficult for children of both sexes but it is devastating for males. He says the basic problem is the lack of discipline and supervision in the father’s absence and his unavailability to teach what it means to be a man. Pollock also believes fathers are crucial in helping boys to manage their emotions. Without the guidance and direction of a father, a boy’s frustration often leads to varieties of violence and other anti social behaviour.” – Taken from ‘Bringing up boys’ by Dr. James Dobson

Where are our fathers?

If we take our roles of being fathers seriously, that is we give guidance and direction, then our children can grow securely and in turn influence other children in the process.

That’s what Samuel did. He was faithful to digging out his own son and in the process saved 13 other children.

There are those times when I am too busy or too drained out after work that I have no time or the mood to sit down to spend time with my son. When I come back home after a long day, I usually know what I want. I want my hot cup of tea and snacks while I spend some time watching a few reruns. I would want to sit on my computer spend time looking through social websites or even play a game. I might meet a few friends if I am up to it. I would want to spend time with my wife asking her how her day went, have dinner and then hit the bed!

I began to think about what my son would feel growing up? Will he have memories of me as a father who was absent or as a father who had no time at all for him?

I agree it’s not an easy thing simply because the demands as a professional and a husband sometimes seem to take priority over the demands of being a father. But I also know that I don’t want my son growing up feeling insecure or not accepted because he didn’t have me present with him helping him to manage his emotions. So how do I do that?

I bottled it down to two words: Priority and sacrifice.

Priority: We need to make our children a priority.

Our schedules are often based on things that matter to us most or on things that are important. The first thing I did was to put it down on my schedule. I decided to make sure that I was at home with my son in the evenings for at least 4 days of the week. So on my calendar, I wrote down ‘home’. I would not arrange to meet anyone on those days and make sure that I was at home with my son and with my family. One day or sometimes two out of the 4, we would go out together as a family.

Sacrifice: We need to sacrifice those things we are pursuing that are not that important.

I am the type of person that does not want to simply lie around doing nothing. I always want to be doing something even in the midst of nothing! I used to be an avid computer gamer. I would play games or sometimes even watch some old reruns. But I decided to sacrifice those things I loved to do because I knew they were not important. I decided to find new things that I could do with my son and enjoy it. The latest one that we engage in is sitting down and coloring the coloring books! Recently I picked up Tinkle comics and was reading it out to him with the pictures. He loved it.

I think when we men as fathers make our children a priority and sacrifice the things that we are pursuing that are not important in the long haul; then we become faithful fathers. As a result in the process we have children that are secure and healthier emotionally. The role that we play as fathers is important and it’s time we stepped up to it.

Update 03/04/2017:
Just saw this video on Instagram that really captures the essence of this whole post!

Christmas

The Cry of a Father

6:46:00 AM

I got off the bus and started walking towards the flat. My bag hung over my shoulders and swayed as I walked. I was tired and very hungry. The only thought in my mind however was the reaction he would have when he met me. What would he say? What would he do? Thoughts ran through my mind. But I wanted to meet him no matter what and my hope was that he would too. My heart paced faster as I drew near the door to the flat. I rung the door bell. Minutes ticked by and not before long, I heard his footsteps approach the door. He began to shout loudly. We were on either side of the door. It was just a moment of time before someone opened the door and we would come face to face. The door opened. He pulled the door back impatiently with force and ran towards me. I was already on my knees with my arms open. This was the moment I had been waiting for. This was perhaps what he was waiting for too! He came running into my arms and smilingly said, “Papa!” I hugged him as closely as I could. He was my one and a half year old son, John.

Hello everyone! With Christmas and New Year at the horizon, I am sure everyone is quite busy! I know of a lot of young people bogged down with their exams and then there are those who are busy holiday shopping for their loved ones!

For me, the end of the year as festive as it can get is a great time to sit and look back at the year that has gone by. This has been an amazing year especially with John being such an active part of our lives. We also got to go abroad which was a first timer for my wife Anu. It was the first time she actually even got to fly!

But what has really been amazing about this year to me personally has been about my learning steps in becoming a father to my son. I know it’s just the beginning of an amazing journey. With almost two years into it, I must say it has been a beautiful experience! There have been those picture perfect moments which you wouldn’t forget and also those messed up times that you wished you had a do over! But I have enjoyed being a dad and even as I write this now, I am falling deeper in love with my son and much more to the role of a father!

There’s this great book I picked up a few months ago and I would definitely recommend this to you. It’s called “Bringing up Boys” by Dr. James Dobson. I must say, I still haven’t been able to put it down! I think I have reread some of the chapters over and over again because it’s just that good!

What I’ve found after going through the book and my own experience in meeting and talking to quite a few people is that our role as men to be fathers is the most important second to being husbands. Sadly, our society has not given much importance on that role. It is least spoken about and rarely applauded today. There is a lot of emphasis on being successful in careers and jobs but sadly none on being a successful father.

Yet, one of the cries of many people today, both young and old is for a father/ father figure. People are on the lookout for that someone who would accept and understand them for who they are. They want someone who would believe and bring out the best in them. They are on the constant lookout for acceptance and affirmation.

With Christmas coming this week, I’ve been bombarded with a lot of messages and forwards about how we shouldn’t take Christ out of Christmas and how Santa has nothing to do with Christmas etc. While I do agree with most, I think there’s a lot more that Christmas really brings to us.

I hadn’t really realized this myself till this year. I believe Christmas is the cry of a Father to be united with His children.

Galatians 4:4-7,

“4 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law.

5 Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage.

6 You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, "Papa! Father!"

7 Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you're also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

Yes, Christmas is all about Jesus. But Christmas is more about a Father who wants to be with us and us with Him.

It’s amazing to think that all of us undoubtedly yearn for a father/ father figure and here is God waiting to become just that!

When we do realize that there is a Father waiting for us who loves us and accepts us for the way we are, we become more secure and confident than ever before.

He is the One who can accept and understand us for the way we are. He believes and wants to bring out the best in us. But will we yield to Him?

As most of you head out this season and into the next year awaiting for what life is going to bring, my prayer is that you would go into it with the realization that you don’t have to face it alone but that there is a Father who wants to go with you. That’s what Christmas is all about.

So here’s wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

L3

Trusting People, Trusting God.

A Faithful Father

The Cry of a Father

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