Q for Quitting

8:03:00 PM

The divorce rates in our country are on the increase. The numbers are alarming. People are leaving their marriages because they feel they can no longer cope with their partners.

While this remains a sensitive topic in relationships, it still is something which needs to be addressed. Among all the A-Z that I've written on relationships thus far, this one we should look to only and only if nothing else works out.

First of all let me start with the key to not quitting- perseverance. People do change. Before we quit, we must ask the question, have we really given everything into this relationship?

Perseverance is the key to not quitting in a relationship. It often challenges us to change our perspective and gives us a fresh and a bigger picture.

One of the key things we’ve to understand is that strong relationships are formed over time and not in a day. The sculptor who carved Mount Rushmore was once asked if he did a perfect job of sculpting the faces of the four presidents.  "No," he replied.  "The nose of George Washington is about an inch too long, but its okay.  In a thousand years, erosion will make it just right." Giving time to relationship building is important and that is why every one of the qualities we've seen in this challenge must be applied every day.  We must believe that the more we invest into the qualities the more we will see the results over time.

Q- Quitting

So when does one quit in a relationship?

Marriage expert Dr. David Hawkins responds to a wife in regard to her husband, “Too many people tolerate too much abuse in marriage, believing it somehow virtuous to be longsuffering. You provide a perfect example of the final outcome of tolerating irresponsibility—a fractured marriage. Please treat yourself in a healthy manner, and in doing so you’ll provide the greatest possibility for your husband becoming healthier as well.”

When the outcome of the relationship we are in damages us and those around us physically, emotionally and mentally then we should seriously consider quitting.

Take Away Principle: The key to not quitting a relationship is perseverance. However even after repeated attempts and over time when the outcome is still damaging physically, mentally and emotionally then one ought to consider quitting.


Tips on quitting:
1.      Every relationship has disagreements. Do try and talk it out with the person.
2.      Before deciding to quit, take time to evaluate.
3.      Confide in someone else you trust. Sometimes an outside perspective can bring new light in the way we look at and approach things.
4.      Consider if you’ve made mistakes and try to correct them.
5.      Get into counselling.
6.      When you do quit:
a.       Leave well-don’t burn bridges.
b.      Take time to heal.

c.       Learn from your mistakes.

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9 comments

  1. My first marriage ended in a divorce. I'm not one to easily give up, so I fought long and hard for my relationship to work. Unfortunately, I was the only one fighting. My husband didn't want to change, or couldn't change. I finally realized that the relationship was quite toxic and I had to let go.

    Another great post, and I am so glad that you mentioned it is okay to quit. I think people do more harm, than good, when they stay in a relationship that is toxic.

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  2. As I get older, I more inclined to say if you are with a partner who doesn't respect you for who you are, then you need to move on. However, I'm also the opinion that these days people give up too easily. Good one, Danny.

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  3. Always a difficult choice for people caught up in such a situation - how long to persevere and when to call it quits. It really depends on each individual case, I suppose. A thoughtful post on a sensitive topic.

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  4. Quite insightful, as usual, Danny. Perseverence is important, but at one point it becomes just too hard when you are the only one taking the efforts. And then quitting becomes a hobson's choice; just the 'yes' or 'no' remains. And most often, it is a yes. No one would want to be in a toxic relationship. And as you said, external perspective may change many things for us !

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  5. Very motivational.. especially when I am lagging behind in blog hopping!

    ~S(t)ri
    Participant|AtoZ Challenge 2014
    Smile, it makes (y)our day!

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  6. I, too, have mixed feelings here. First marriage was abusive and I stayed as long as I could. Second marriage has been 42 years. Since writing my memoir, there have been many comments where people do not understand how I ever survived. It was because I learned not to quit or give up easily.

    Carol @ Battered Hope

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  7. You write about the fine balance and manage to preserve both sides... yes, we should fight for what is worth fighting for , and yet sometimes it is ok to quit - but then do it in a nice way... Loved your post today also, Danny:-)

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  8. Very thought provoking post. These days young couples have become very intolerant, hence the number of divorce cases are rising. No two persons are alike. They have their compulsions, and don't want to adjust. I and my husband have spent 54 years of married life. Though there are occasional discords, we make up.We are leading a happy married life.

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  9. Sometimes quitting is the right decision. Being unhappy makes no one happy and you are of no use to anyone, not to yourself or the others around you. I separated 6 years ago after 27 years of marriage . It wasn't an easy decision - it never is - and it took 17 years to make it. In the end it needed to happen for my mental well being.

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