D for Devoted

7:53:00 PM


When I got married to Anu in the year 2007, this was something I had vowed to her: “In the name of Jesus, I, Danny take you, Anu, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.”



We hear this being said in any marriage relationship since that’s a commitment to stay together forever. Have you ever wondered what would happen if we were to take this vow to stay together to every relationship that we’ve had? The relationship would escalate to a totally new level altogether!



D-Devoted

I've essentially seen three kinds of relationships that exist:

1. The ‘Give Me’ Relationship: In this kind of relationship, one is only concerned about what he/she can get from being with the other person. The minute they get what they want, they are ready to exit. They have a very self centered point of view.

2. The ‘Poor Me’ Relationship: Here, one is again in the relationship for him/herself. They are self sympathetic and always looking for acceptance. The only reason they stay is because they feel accepted. They are very sensitive and the minute they sense or feel rejected, they are ready to exit.

3. The ‘About You’ Relationship: In this kind, one is in the relationship not because they can gain something or because they are looking for acceptance. They are in it because they truly care, love and value the other person. It doesn’t matter if they don’t receive anything out of being in the relationship. They are truly devoted to the person and the relationship.

When we get into a relationship with someone, the question we must ask ourselves is how much of ourselves are we willing to devote to that one person. When the relationship becomes all about the other person that is when we can say that we are truly devoted to that person. That is when regardless of what situations or obstacles come, the relationship still moves forward.


Take Away Principle: 

For any relationship to be long lasting, one must be truly devoted to the other person. This involves letting go of oneself and making it all about the other.

Tips on being Devoted:

1. Devotion requires commitment. Can you give yourself up for the sake of the other person? Giving up your time, money and your dreams altogether.
2. Devotion requires discipline. Are you willing to set aside some space for this person in your life every day? 
3. Put aside your devotion killers: Computers, mobile phones, Work (Jobs) etc. Try not to let them take over your time to be with the other person.

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21 comments

  1. I find that eliminate distractions is always the central theme. When you are with a loved one give them your whole time..

    Richa

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    1. Yes, because most of these qualities can't be done without eliminating them :) Time can never be replaced ;)

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  2. Devotion is indeed linked with another D, distractions. To avoid distractions, we need another D, determination. And then comes another D, dedication !
    D for Danny, you've done a very insightful post as usual. Agree with you, every word of yours :)
    Waiting for the E now !!
    E for empathy aano ?? :P Not spilling the beans, just asking ;)

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    1. Wow that's a lotsa D's and you forgot doctor for dentist D! Thanks for the compliment Sreeja! Nothing compared to what you write!
      EMpathy is a strong word but no...got something else in store! ;)

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  3. Well written on an important aspect of relationship, Danny! I enjoyed reading it, and do agree. However how to get rid of the devotion killer, (pst-the pc) these days...? Oh well, there will come a time after April I guess:-) :-)

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    1. Thank you so much ELi! Yeah I guess I've been talking a lot against our favorite computer in the past few posts...don't worry...the remaining qualities shouldn't have to take the computer away!

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  4. I think with a relationship, the given is that you spend time with each other. if it isn't happening naturally, you have to make it happen.]

    The 2 AM Writer

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    1. Well said Maggie! if it isn't happening naturally then you've to make it happen... only if everyone had that perspective!

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  5. I believe a relationship should have little all of the three points you mentioned earlier. Insightful post.

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    1. That's true Rajlakshmi! Thanks for the compliment :-)

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  6. Danny, I am really enjoying your posts. They are very spot on.

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    1. Thank you so much Carrie! Hope they are helping too

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  7. lot of take away points for me there :)
    lovely post..

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    1. That's great to know,Radha! Thanks for the compliment!

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  8. Hi Danny, a very interesting take on marriage and its complexity. Very well penned.
    Cheerz

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  9. I loved this post, particularly the concept of 'Give Me', 'Poor Me' and 'About You' relationships. It reminded me of Win-Lose, Lose-Win and Win-Win styles of negotiation!

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    1. Thanks PI!
      When I first started writing this post...I had that in mind but then shifted to this because I felt it was more apt!

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  10. This is one of those posts I completely agree with. Excellent highlights!

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